Today has been a long day.
I’m emotionally dead and physically drained.
If I was to explain I’d end up writing a book. But at this rate I wouldn’t make it to the end.
I sit here in my room fighting to hold back the tears as my mother lays on the couch thinking the world is against her and that no one worries or cares about her. Yet shes my biggest worry.
I don’t know how long I can go on.
Someone help me escape this living hell.
Today I am writing because I am tired..
I’m tired of being sick
I’m tired of being constantly asked if I am ok
I’m tired of just saying yes so people don’t moan that I complain
I’m tired of being treated like a child
I’m tired of being the best daughter I can be yet still not being good enough
I’m tired of everything life is giving now
I’m tired of no one understanding
I’m tired of feeling so alone and isolated from everything and everyone
I’m tired of living a life I no longer want to live.
So I’m sitting here after a long day I went to bed at midnight last night slept till 3:30am was awake for an hour or so then went back to sleep from 4:30-6:00am. I woke up tidied the entire house before my mum and dad got home, washed the dishes and done the washing and even mananged to pack my bag for a whole week.
This morning I discovered my hands were sore and swollen and my feet tender to just walk on a soft carpet floor.. I had to sit in the car for 3 hours travelling before arriving to Hamilton and having to lift heavy stuff for about 2 hours. Now for a normal person I’d just say oh get on with it.. but for someone like me .. a 15 year old with fibromyalgia it’s a real struggle.
After all of this I went for a 20km bike ride because I hadn’t done any exercise. I returned home absolutely exhausted but when asked how I was I smiled and said I’m fine.. then I finally sit down and all I here is moan moan moan from my mother about how tired and sore she is.. I honestly don’t get how selfish she could be there’s nothing wrong with her?!! And if I’m asked if im sore and I say yes I get a lecture and it’s like oh well.. I’m sick of hearing that. I’m so angry I wish she wasn’t so selfish because when she complains about being so tired and sore all I want to say is welcome to my everyday life.